I adore games. I like crossword puzzles, word finds, and sudoku. I like games you play in pairs and groups like Clue, Monopoly, and a cool card game that my daughter’s girlfriend introduced us to this winter called Schrödinger’s Cats. You know, Schrödinger, the guy with the cat in a box that was either dead or alive because until you looked you didn’t know…. That guy.

But, having grown up before the advent of both cool new games and the Internet, my go-to games, even online, are card games. I enjoy playing solitaire on my smart phone. I know the game was only put there on computers to test the functionality, not thinking people would *actually* play it – or so I’ve read.

I play solitaire. And, I’ve learned something about myself recently. I like to win, but the pressure of knowing that I’m supposed to win makes something a lot less fun.

You see, in my version of solitaire, I can choose from a game that is drawn “randomly” or a game that is deemed to be a “winning” game. Feeling that I have pretty mad solitaire skills, I always play random, until today. I accidentally tapped the button for a winning draw. That’s where the fun stopped.

During the few minutes it took to play the game, I felt stressed out. I was supposed to be able to win with this draw. If I didn’t win this one, it was *my* fault, not just bad luck or an unwinnable game. The way I understand it, most solitaire games are winnable, but a small choice during the early part of the game can render it a complete loss when you get to the end. I always felt justified when I didn’t win a random hand.

I did win the winning hand. But I felt so pressured during the game that it wasn’t fun.

In other parts of my days, when I’m not playing games, I’m an educational psychologist and I study motivation. This shift between winning game and random game should have been no surprise to me. It’s the same as in studies when someone starts to get paid for something they were just doing for fun: their intrinsic motivation evaporates and it becomes just a chore. This felt like a chore. It was a winning game and I was supposed to win. It’s also referred to as introjected motivation when we experience the “should” emotion, as in I should do something. This honestly translates to I should do the thing, and if I don’t, I’ll feel bad. I would have felt bad if I didn’t win the solitaire game.

Little game, big mood.

I don’t mind losing, but when I was supposed to win, I didn’t even want to play.

I will play again. I’ll play solitaire, and the fake Yahtzee game on my phone. I’ll play card games, and wii mystery games. I’ll even look up the card game that we played over Christmas. I will play these games on “random” mode, though because like Schrödinger, I don’t want to know if I’m going to win or lose, until I open the box and play the game.